⭐The Final Act of Living: Reflections of a Longtime Hospice Nurse¶

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It is very important to know, if we are with someone when they die it is because they want us with them. If we are not with someone when they die they choose that also. We can take the gift of love and protection that they have given us. Protective parents tend not to die with their children in the room, even if that child is seventy years old. ^ref-60208

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Everyone is going to be frightened as they approach gradual death. It will be just a question of degree. ^ref-46822

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Most of us are more afraid of the process of dying than of being dead. ^ref-51184

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The labor to leave this world is harder on us, the watchers, than on the person who is going through the labor. ^ref-60696

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Unfinished business can make our labor longer. If there is something in my life that I really feel needs to be addressed before I die, with partial control, I can try to stay here until that issue is resolved. ^ref-54506

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There is no perfect relationship. If we can tell our loved one how they have affected our life, positively and negatively, we can help them sort out the pieces of their puzzled life. We can also use this opportunity to tell them how much we love them, how much we will miss them, and give them permission to go. ^ref-53519

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Congestion is a part of the dying process. It often happens when death approaches. It is not bad. It is natural and normal. ^ref-55396

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Grandpa will have makeup on his face and even his hands. We can touch him but he won’t feel like we do. He will feel cold and his skin won’t move around like it used to. All this is what it is like to be dead. ^ref-55452

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A Durable Medical Power of Attorney is a legal document, but it does not have to be made out in the presence of an attorney. Two unrelated witnesses can sign the Durable Medical Power of Attorney form and it can be notarized. Simple, easy, just very thought-provoking and often very difficult to bring ourselves to do. It is only valid on medical issues, not financial ones. Financial would be a Power of Attorney. ^ref-47422

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Living Will, Durable Power of Attorney and Do Not Resuscitate options are available so that everyone can live their life challenges in the manner of their own choosing, not someone else’s. ^ref-22103

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Bringing peace of mind, joy and fulfillment to each experience that life offers is a big challenge. It seems like it is a lot easier to do things that are self- destructive than to do constructive living. Eating healthy, exercising, thinking positive thoughts are hurdles we face daily. It is so easy to get caught up in each day’s activities as we ride our “gerbil wheel,” that we forget to look for joy. We lose what- ever peace of mind we might have and our sense of fulfillment is lost in our need to just get through another day. ^ref-12617

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Watching birds feeding at the feeder, listening to the rain in the trees, reading a good book in a shady outdoor spot, most of nature brings me joy. Also, there is joy in sharing dreams and ideas with a special friend, just being silly, or finding and experiencing real laughter. ^ref-44491

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as we are born so we must die. Nothing is permanent, nothing is forever. Time consistently moves us in the direction of death and yet it is in that very time, each moment, that life is felt and experienced. Each second gives us the opportunity to be, to do, to see, to hear, to feel— while that same second takes us closer to the final act of living. ^ref-57341

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